un moment de réflexion…
In what seems like a past-life, I lived, studied, worked and made love in “The City of Light” - Paris.
The year was 2011; a different time.
Instagram wasn’t really a thing yet. I had a glitchy little Blackberry, which seemed so à la mode. I rode bicycles to school, wore a “promise ring” to my boyfriend and was sure that I knew the answer to every question that could ever come my way. I was ambitious and hungry for life. I learnt French in order to study civil law and economics. I let a friend dye my hair red and I loved it. I drank far too much wine and slept far too few hours.
I had not yet felt the immensity of loss, nor been introduced to the teacher of Death.
I was going through the motions and could find enough laughter and playfulness in my days to feel contentment in my life. I knew something was missing, but the “hurrah” of it all pushed that flicker to the back of my Heart.
When I left Paris in 2012, I knew my brother was sick and that it could be a long time before I would return. By that summer, I had identified that what was missing was my voice. By that point, singing was just a frivolous hobby, surely nothing that I could ever stand on. Regardless, the day before my flight back to Canada, I sat by the River Seine and made a promise to myself: to return to Europe one day, but only ever as a touring singer, all expenses paid.
That winter, Hunter died, and with him my joie de vivre was extinguished like a candle in the night. The next handful of years were some of the most glorious and gruesome as I reckoned with the grief that lived inside of me. I fell from the pedestal I had been thrust upon and, at the darkest of times, found myself homeless, alone and depressed. Hitting my absolute rock-bottom propelled me. I re-built myself from the ground up. The past eight years have been a journey into my own Heart, grief, incredible joy and profound learning of the entrepreneurial path as a creative. I alchemized my pain, and my life, through music and dance.
Singing to him, to the heavens, to the seas - that saved me and continues to hold me through the rough waters of life.
Throughout the years, the temptation has arisen in me to go back - to rekindle the parts of me that had come alive in my own personal “Belle Époque”.
My promise to myself kept me working. “Touring Singer” has echoed within me time and time again.
All this to say, the year is 2024 and I have woven together my own little European Tour, (almost) all expenses paid.
Staying true to my word fills me with the satisfaction of knowing that I can trust myself. I’ve shown myself my own integrity, grit and determination. This is a knowing that no one can ever take from me. This is an honouring of the young woman I once was, and a devotion to who I continue to become.
I’ve got three beyond-beautiful events lined up, with more dates to be announced soon.
I hope to see you over in the old country as I share my music and walk a path of remembrance, tracing my ancestral lands and building community one note at a time.
À très bientôt!
